Can you believe 2012 is over?
I can’t.
So many things happened in the Ryan household last year, it’s hard to keep track.
Perhaps the best part, for me, was setting up my new blog. I actually started blogging in 2011, but it was under a different blog name and the posts were mainly geared at voicing my postpartum misery.
And then 2012 started and I slowly started seeing more and more of my snarky, sarcastic self come back to life.
I’m not sure which is better?
Anyway, I’ve learned a lot in the last 12 months, and I couldn’t let 2012 come to a close without putting it all together.
So here you are.
1. Breastfeeding can make even the smallest boobs smaller.
2. Prince Harry may be a grow-er, but he’s definitely not a show-er.
3. My readers like it best when I write about things involving my vagina.
4. I will never be too old to enjoy coloring.
5. I’m a much nicer person if I drink at night.
6. If I go out wearing a stained tee-shirt and yoga pants, chances are I’ll see at least 3 people I know.
7. Skinny jeans are not for me.
8. Khloe Kardashian was a poor choice for The X Factor.
9. Never run out of wine.
10. Bloggers love reading lists and, as such, I’ve forgotten how to write anything that doesn’t include a list of at least 10 things.
11. Getting shit on by a bird doesn’t necessarily bring you good luck.
12. Contrary to popular belief, I can run on a treadmill without falling off.
13. Friendships really do change once you have kids.
14. It is impossible to open a bag of chips quietly, so we now have a “all junk food must be opened before naptime” rule in this house.
15. I would be totally lost without online shopping.
16. “Vagina”, “sex”, and “barf” are the top 3 searches people use to find my blog.
17. No matter how hard I try, I will always hate cooking.
18. Ann Coulter is a vile, vile woman, but John Franklin Stephens is awesome.
19. Never run out of wine.
20. It really is possible to form great friendships via the internet. You know who you are. Thank you.
21. Telly from Sesame Street gets whinier and whinier with age.
22. A little mascara and lip gloss goes a long way in making me feel better about myself.
23. Captcha codes are evil.
24. You really do get used to the smell of puke after a while.
25. I could care less if the NHL and the NHLPA ever come to an agreement.
26. I talk like Herbert The Pervert from Family Guy.
27. Music does wonders for a bad mood.
28. I’d rather watch flies fornicate than watch poker on TV.
29. Never run out of wine.
30. Kids really do kill your sex life.
31. If you want to buy your kid a decent Halloween costume without taking out a second mortgage on your home, you better start looking in August.
32. When you’re waking up at 6 am every day of the week, there’s a fine line between 1 glass of wine and 2.
33. The only Queen song my husband knows is “Bohemian Rapsody”. I know, I’m disappointed in him too.
34. If my husband did chores more often, he’d get laid all the time.
35. When I have that nagging feeling I haven’t put The Kid’s diaper on properly before bed, chances are I haven’t, and it’s worth the extra 2 minutes to check.
36. Grilled cheese sandwiches are DA BOMB.
37. There are a lot of other people out there who are just as obsessive-compulsive as me.
39. Never run out of wine.
40. A vacuum cleaner, a few sheets of paper towel, and a bottle of windex can make this place look just as clean in 15 minutes as a full 3-hour scrub-down can.
41. Sandra Boynton books are the only ones I can read over and over without wanting to rip my eyes out.
42. PMS gets worse instead of better after you have kids.
43. Talking like Oprah does wonders for my mood.
44. The more disheveled I look when my husband gets home from work, the more he believes I am run off my feet all day long.
45. No matter what or how much I eat for dinner, I will find myself staring at the contents of our fridge by 9 pm every night.
46. There are few things more painful than childbirth. Brazilian waxing is one of those things.
47. There are about 2 beautiful days out of every month where my hormones are perfectly balanced. Those are really special times.
48. I probably should’ve named my blog “Cloudy, With a Chance of Shit Show”.
49. I’m really starved for adult conversation.
50. Never run out of wine.
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Ironic, but I learned many of the same lessons. So many are thanks to my husband and kids. What do you know!! Seriously great list and as usual can very much relate to most of them. And by the way the internet does really allow for some great friendships :) :) Happy New Year!!!
Happy New Year! Seems like you and I have a lot in common!
I agree with every single item on this list – just substitute whiskey for wine. I especially agree that flies fornicating is more interesting than watching poker on TV. And more interesting than watching golf, baseball, curling, and a whole lot of other stuff that can be found once you have cable.
Ugh, all of that crap on TV… I don’t know what I would do if it weren’t for my blog and Twitter!!!
What a great list!! I especially like #20….SO TRUE. And ironically, could be the answer to #31…lol. I may just hijack your idea and do a list of my own :-) Here’s to hoping 2013 teaches us lots of things just as valuable as all of these!!
Hijack away! So glad you liked the list. Here’s to an awesome 2013, my friend! xo
Fabulous list.
Particularly since I spent New Year’s Eve getting drunk & colouring in over-sized pictures of Lightning McQueen . . . with jumbo crayons.
Hee hee. My NYE wasn’t overly exciting, either!!! Happy New Year! xo
Hey you learned stuff too! :-D Love your list!
Speaking of shrinking boobs, I thought mine were smaller after breastfeeding but I actually went up. They must have been stretched out or something? Who knows.
I’m so jealous! Mine definitely didn’t go up in size. They just shrank. :(
Shrunk. Shit, it’s like I’m constantly drunk!
1, 4, 6, 17, 20, 22, 42, 45, and ESPECIALLY 34. You just get it. :)
HAHAHAHAHA! Thank you for reading! I’m glad someone else understands me! :)
Coloring is awesome!
And I actually meant “coloring”… Not what Carrie Bradshaw meant in The Sex and The City. Well, that kind of coloring is awesome too. :)
tee hee x v funny ;) (I write whilst drunk wearing stained jogging bottoms with small boobs) x
Oh good – someone else with small boobs and a love of booze. :)
LMAO!! #34!!! TOTALLY!!! I wish my husband would understand #34. For some reason he just doesn’t get it… and you’d think since he’s a man he would, but sadly no…
#6 – I don’t know how many freakin times this has happened to me!!
#20 – Indeed!!
#23 – Oh I hate those damn things!!
and I totally agree with Kathy!! You just get it!! :D
HAHAHAHAHA! I’m so glad you can relate! I guess I’m not as complicated as some people make me out to be. :)
Loved your list! Funny, I was just thinking about that bird-shitting thing as a shitload of geese flew over me today. I hid under a tree.
I also had a blog before, for a short period, but I quit because it wasn’t me. I think I finally found my voice and it sounds like you have too!
OMG, the bird-shitting incident was not a good one. It was right on my face, and it splattered. And I was out with The Kid. Fortunately, The Hubs was out with us too so he could deal with her while I ran home to shower. So gross!
Funny that you had another blog too. Weird that it takes a while to find your blogger voice. But so much better when you do!
xo
I’m with you on most of your list, especially the grilled cheese and wine!
I love grilled cheese sandwiches. And wine…I just can’t get enough of it!!!
Never Run out of wine!! HAHAHA I learned that one too… I am convinced that all mothers (who drink) are halfway to alcoholism…
I’m pretty sure I am! ;)
Great list – sounds like you had a packed year! All the best in 2013!
Thanks! You too!
I loved this list! I think I have a new bloggy crush on you. This is the state of my life now that I have crushes on bloggers instead of men. I’m Keesha @momsnewstage, one of the hosts of this linkup, not a crazy stalker. Crazy, but not a stalker…
Oh my, that is such a nice compliment! Thank you! I have started to develop bloggy crushes, too. ;)
And thanks so much for hosting the link-up. It’s so awesome! And what an honor for you as it’s so popular! I look forward to getting to know you better in 2013!!!
xo
What can I say? I loved this list! So many relatable that I won’t bore you with the run-down. The boob thing and the wine thing are probably the stand outs however. Thank heaven I have a husband who lies to me and tells me he likes small boobs…or I’d probably be drinking even MORE wine at night. Ha!
Hee hee. My husband pretends he loves small boobs too. He’s a keeper. ;)
You’ve learned a lot in just 1 yr. Love #5, #28 (or golf), #37 & especially 34 (why r men so dumb?). Totally understand #49. It does get better. I know it doesn’t seem like it but it will – slowly. And for PMS take a Super-B Complex vitamin (I get a big bottle at Costco) everyday. It helps stabilize your mood. It’s totally worked for me.
Thanks for this!!! I’m sure once The Kid is in school, I’ll have more opportunities to talk to adults…even if I have to force her to misbehave so that her teacher has to call me in for meetings constantly. HA!
You know, my doctor told me to start taking B-Complex vitamins to help with PMS, and I bought them and then put them into a cupboard! I will have to get them out again. I’m glad it actually helps! I tried to go back on the pill, but the whole 9 days I was on it, it was like my blood was on a slow boil and I was even bitchier than normal. I had to flush them!!!
When my Kid was little I joined every group/activity/class in the tri-state area just to get out of the house. When your Kid is 2 you can start doing storytime & gymboree & stuff. B&N has a storytime & so did the library so I’d hit one & then the other. Other moms in your position are just as desperate so I’d just strike up conversation.
We start 2 class this month! We’re doing swimming and a tumbling class in our neighborhood, so hopefully I’ll meet some people close by. She will be 2 in March, so it’s been impossible to find stuff that she can do that doesn’t interfere with naptime until now. I’m so excited, even if it’s just to have something to blog about. HA!!!! ;)
Thanks for all of the suggestions. I’m going to do more classes in the summer. I figure I’ll try a few here and there to see what she likes and then we can focus on those. Amazingly enough, the stuff I found is relatively cheap, so even if we hate it, I won’t feel so bad about not going.
I love this list! I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who feels this way!
Tracy @ Momaical
Thanks!!! xo
I’m older and wiser than you and I NEVER RUN OUT OF WINE and one of the benefits is that the fine line moves up to between 2 and 3 glasses of wine.
REALLY?! OMG, I can’t wait! Ah, the perks of getting older!!! ;)
I do love a list. I am your lista sista from another mista.
3 REASONS I SHOULD NEVER SAY THAT LAST SENTENCE OUT LOUD:
1. Clearly, I am not gangsta. Or a gangster.
2. I don’t have a sister (but if I did, I’d love one with your sense of humor!).
3. I don’t really have a #3. Just love lists (see first sentence).
OMG, I LOVE YOU! Can’t wait to check out your blog when this child is in bed!!!
xo
Def #8, 18, #1, #50. Meow.
What was up with Khloe?! And Ann Coulter? She is just a complete waste of space.
xo
AC is vicious and spreads hate and evil. She’s not human. And KK is so disgusting and stupid, really stupid, can’t even read a teleprompter and she was always stroking those kids, ICK
Too true! And what was up with KK’s outfits?!
I agree with some.. hahahah same things happened to me!
Oh good – someone who gets me!!! ;)
So flippin’ funny. #5 applies to me SO HARD.
It applies to me pretty hard, too! We learned that the hard way through pregnancy and breastfeeding. Now I make sure to keep the fridge stocked. :)
I had many friends and parties before kids! I call it the BC era. Before Children. I look at it like were we really friends? Or was it just free food and drinks? Cause I don’t here from these peeps
Anymore!
Isn’t it horrible how that happens? My BFF from way back when virtually ignored me for the 1st year of motherhood, and now that she’s pregnant she wants to be BFFs again. Funny how that happens!