Can you believe 2012 is over?
So many things happened in the Ryan household last year, it’s hard to keep track.
Perhaps the best part, for me, was setting up my new blog. I actually started blogging in 2011, but it was under a different blog name and the posts were mainly geared at voicing my postpartum misery.
And then 2012 started and I slowly started seeing more and more of my snarky, sarcastic self come back to life.
I’m not sure which is better?
Anyway, I’ve learned a lot in the last 12 months, and I couldn’t let 2012 come to a close without putting it all together.
So here you are.
1. Breastfeeding can make even the smallest boobs smaller.
2. Prince Harry may be a grow-er, but he’s definitely not a show-er.
3. My readers like it best when I write about things involving my vagina.
4. I will never be too old to enjoy coloring.
5. I’m a much nicer person if I drink at night.
6. If I go out wearing a stained tee-shirt and yoga pants, chances are I’ll see at least 3 people I know.
8. Khloe Kardashian was a poor choice for The X Factor.
9. Never run out of wine.
10. Bloggers love reading lists and, as such, I’ve forgotten how to write anything that doesn’t include a list of at least 10 things.
11. Getting shit on by a bird doesn’t necessarily bring you good luck.
12. Contrary to popular belief, I can run on a treadmill without falling off.
13. Friendships really do change once you have kids.
14. It is impossible to open a bag of chips quietly, so we now have a “all junk food must be opened before naptime” rule in this house.
15. I would be totally lost without online shopping.
16. “Vagina”, “sex”, and “barf” are the top 3 searches people use to find my blog.
17. No matter how hard I try, I will always hate cooking.
18. Ann Coulter is a vile, vile woman, but John Franklin Stephens is awesome.
19. Never run out of wine.
20. It really is possible to form great friendships via the internet. You know who you are. Thank you.
21. Telly from Sesame Street gets whinier and whinier with age.
22. A little mascara and lip gloss goes a long way in making me feel better about myself.
23. Captcha codes are evil.
24. You really do get used to the smell of puke after a while.
25. I could care less if the NHL and the NHLPA ever come to an agreement.
27. Music does wonders for a bad mood.
28. I’d rather watch flies fornicate than watch poker on TV.
29. Never run out of wine.
31. If you want to buy your kid a decent Halloween costume without taking out a second mortgage on your home, you better start looking in August.
32. When you’re waking up at 6 am every day of the week, there’s a fine line between 1 glass of wine and 2.
33. The only Queen song my husband knows is “Bohemian Rapsody”. I know, I’m disappointed in him too.
34. If my husband did chores more often, he’d get laid all the time.
35. When I have that nagging feeling I haven’t put The Kid’s diaper on properly before bed, chances are I haven’t, and it’s worth the extra 2 minutes to check.
36. Grilled cheese sandwiches are DA BOMB.
37. There are a lot of other people out there who are just as obsessive-compulsive as me.
39. Never run out of wine.
40. A vacuum cleaner, a few sheets of paper towel, and a bottle of windex can make this place look just as clean in 15 minutes as a full 3-hour scrub-down can.
41. Sandra Boynton books are the only ones I can read over and over without wanting to rip my eyes out.
43. Talking like Oprah does wonders for my mood.
44. The more disheveled I look when my husband gets home from work, the more he believes I am run off my feet all day long.
45. No matter what or how much I eat for dinner, I will find myself staring at the contents of our fridge by 9 pm every night.
46. There are few things more painful than childbirth. Brazilian waxing is one of those things.
47. There are about 2 beautiful days out of every month where my hormones are perfectly balanced. Those are really special times.
48. I probably should’ve named my blog “Cloudy, With a Chance of Shit Show”.
49. I’m really starved for adult conversation.
50. Never run out of wine.
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