If you follow me on Twitter, you know how much I loathe the grocery store. The trouble is, I love to eat, so I find myself perusing the aisles with my almost-2-year-old at least twice a week. And each time I go, I contemplate hiring a personal shopper so I never have to go back again in this lifetime.
This week was no different. I sent The Hubs to do a big shop on Sunday, and by Wednesday I needed to make a quick run to the grocery to get some blueberries, grapes, and milk for The Kid. And some sugary cereal for me. And cream cheese. Oh, and that triple cream brie.
Anyway, we headed over to the grocery store in the morning and, always conscious of ensuring my child has enough exercise so she’ll fall into a deep slumber at 1:30 pm and give me a chance to catch up on my chores write on my blog, I took her for a walk around the mall first. Once I was satisfied she had touched and licked every surface, we headed to the car so I could put her in her stroller before heading back to get our provisions.
Of course, I’m a good mother and realize it’s not safe to let my chid stand next to me in a parking lot while I struggle to remove her stroller from the trunk of our sedan, so once The Kid had opened the doors with my car key (yes, I taught her how to do that), I put her in her car seat and closed to the door so she couldn’t escape.
Sadly, it never crossed my mind to remove my car key from her hand until I heard a “click” and knew she had locked herself inside.
And did I mention my cell phone was stowed safely on the floor behind my child’s car seat?
Fuuuuuuuuuck.
In an attempt not to make a scene or scare The Kid, I pressed my face against the glass and yelled, “OPEN THE DOOR, SWEETIE!” in my singsongy shrill voice, all the while praying to the gods she wouldn’t drop the key.
She found this amusing and started to laugh, but showed no interest in letting me in the damn car.
Five minutes, 3 games of peekaboo, more begging and pleading, and a lot of sweat later, I finally heard a click. Now, you have to press our remote twice to open all of the doors, but a single click opens the driver side. So once I heard that click, I ran like a bat out of hell to open it before she locked it again, and twisted my ankle along the way.
Because wearing stilettos ankle boots to the grocery store is a good idea.
Fortunately, I got the door open, and all was right in the world again.
And only about 3 people were standing around staring at us.
I added chocolate chip cookies to my shopping list and ate the entire bag while searching “grocery delivery” on Google when we got home.
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Wait until she figured out how to lock you out of the house. That was a fine moment in parenting for me this past summer. One of the twins locked the handy little “twist deadbolt” on the door I was running in and out of in an attempt to keep all three kids happy and safe (we had a little blow up pool in the back and the other twin was in it).
Somehow, I managed to talk to the 4 1/2 year old through the glass in the door and after she stopped freaking out cause she was scared that I couldn’t get in – she unlocked the door.
OMG, that would’ve been brutal!!! Ah, the things I have to look forward to…
I don’t miss the days of all that juggling. Juggling the stroller, juggling the groceries. Every errand was long drawn out hard.
I’m convinced that even at 2, if my oldest had been in a locked car with the key in his hand he would have done his best to have me running around the car like a maniac for a good 20 minutes.
Ha!
Yup, it is a long, drawn out process to do anything. I have my moments, that’s for sure!
I am laughing, because this truly could have happened to me. Seriously, I have done stuff that makes the former me question how I was able to give birth to one, but not two kids. Seriously, when I am out with them, it is truly like my brain turns to mush. Glad you get back into the car after all your attempts and by the way this is why I ended up paying over $200 at Christmas time for my present a pair of nice flat(comfortable) Ugg boots, lol!!! :)
You and me both, Janine! And aren’t Uggs the most comfortable thing EVER?!
That is my greatest fear! I bet you wanted to shit your pants! So glad she opened it!!!
OMG. I was actually really calm because I had the trunk open and figured I’d be able to get in. My husband told me later there was no way in hell I would have. Now I wonder how I stayed so calm?!
OMG laughing out loud. This so could happen to me, too. My 3YO son likes to go in the bathrooms and lock the door. He thinks it’s hilarious that we can’t get in there and while he’s laughing his ass off at me, I’m imagining all the terrible scenarios on how he could die in there (bathtub, plugged-in shit getting dropped in the toilet, etc.). I have to plug my hairdryer in every single time I use it now. Goodbye, convenience. I finally just made my husband change out the door handles. Now, nobody can have locked bathroom privacy.
A friend of mine recently had to call 9-1-1 because her son locked himself in the bathroom and couldn’t get out. He was only about 20 months old at the time. Imagine?!
My mother gave Sass a Melissa & Doug puzzle covered in every type of metal lock you can have in a house. We had to eventually install chain locks ABOVE the height of a toddle standing on a kitchen chair to keep the little booger inside.
OMG. I’ve seen that puzzle and was thinking of going to get it soon. I’m so glad you posted this as there is now no way in hell I’m ever going to do that!
Haha! My mom was watching my son one day, and he locked her out. A firetruck came to the rescue (and excitement of my lil guy).
A friend of mine had to call 9-1-1 once because her son locked himself into the bathroom. I bet they get those calls all the time!
I have to apologize but that had me laughing! Your writing makes it so real that I could actually feel that moment of “fuuuuuuuuck”! I once was close to the locking child in car but caught it at the last moment, phew!
OMG. How did I not think to take the key away from her?!?!?!
I love your blog! It always makes me laugh. The summer my daughter turned two, she locked my husband out of the house in a terrential Florida downpour. He had run out the sliders in the back of the house to get something he didn’t want to get wet and she locked the sliding door on him. It took about 15 minutes before he could convince her to unlock it. After that, he installed a keypad on the garage door so we could at least get in through the garage if we get locked out again. He said she kept looking at him, laughing, and going back to playing. :)
Aw, that’s so sweet. Thanks for telling me that. I’m so glad I make you laugh!
I love that your daughter locked your husband out in a torrential downpour. That’s classic!!!
Too funny!! and tried to send ya some ‘love’ but the voting link is not working?
Oh no! Thanks for letting me know! I just checked, and it seems to be working now. :)
I’m glad everything worked out okay. My sister locked her daughter in the car once when she was a baby and they were at a rest stop on the Interstate. They had to call the hiway patrol. :/
OMG. How horrible would that have been? I think it happens a lot though. I’m sure they are used to it!
I said FUUUUUUUUUUCK just before I read that you said it. That SUCKS!!! Thank goodness she finally unlocked the car. Otherwise you’d be out of contention for mother of the year! :)
Oh, I think I already am. :)
Ha! Funny how we moms aren’t too embarrassed about performing like circus clowns for our kids in public, but trip over a crack in the sidewalk, we want to crawl in a hole. My son at that age would have tried to throw the keys to me. He’s thoughtful like that.
Ha! Yup, it’s amazing what we will do for them. Anything to keep them happy, right?!
Yup I could picture that scene perfectly! So glad she let you in! And btw, I hate grocery shopping too – more than anything else! I have 3 HUNGRY boys so I am going to the store ALL the time…wahhh!
Ugh. If I never have to go to a grocery store again in this lifetime, it will be too soon! BUT…I do like choosing my own food. Especially my junk food. :)
OMG I actually read this entire post to my hubby because I was laughing out loud to myself which concerned him a little…but then he understood. LOVE IT
Hahahaha. Glad I made you both laugh!
Oh I feel your pain! No matter how often I vow to stop shopping with my children, I keep doing it over and over! “Once I was satisfied she had touched and licked every surface …” Ha! That pretty much sums it up…
Why do they insist on touching everything????!!!
Great story! I laugh now, but I would have been freaking out!
Funny enough, I was quite calm. I had the trunk open and assumed I could get in the car if I had to. The Hubs later told me I was incorrect in that assumption. IMAGINE?!
Oh my gosh how scary. I can’t help but imagine how badly I would be freaking out – I’m weak though. Good for you for remaining calm! Now, in the next few months get her good and addicted to some iPhone apps or an iPad – serious leverage i tell ya. Whew!
Hahahaha. I had the trunk open and thought I would have a way in IF she dropped the key. The Hubs later told me I wouldn’t have been able to get in through the trunk, so I’m glad I was able to stay calm!
Omg, you’re hilarious. My kids are older, and are now all experts at picking locks, so be forewarned that that is coming down the pike for you. As in, I need a deadbolt for my bedroom door. Umhum.
Thanks so much for linking this up with the TALU! Love. It.
Thanks for stopping by! I love it that you have to put a deadbolt on your bedroom door!! But the fact that you need one is a good sign?! ;)
haahahahaha – Oh my gosh, this is awesome. The things we moms go through. I got locked out of the house in the summer NC heat last year and had to scale a fence WITH my 3 year old to get to a neighbors to use the phone. lol
Oh my. That must’ve been horrible! I locked myself out of my place when I was in my early 20s. I was in see-through boxer shorts and a tee, it was 10 pm, and I had had way too much wine to drink. I had to climb in through a window, and then I spent the rest of the night worrying how easy it was to break in. :(
What a great story! I locked myself out of the house while my son was napping. In our 2nd story apartment with an external entryway. I had to get a ladder and break in through one of the windows.
OMG, that is totally something I would do. I can’t even imagine the stress – how would you explain it if you had to call 911 to get them to let you back in?!?!?! ;)
Must be terrifying with a child! I always have a fear of this happening with the dog some day – she’ll stand up on the door to look out the window, and I’m afraid she’ll hit the button, so I’m compulsive about making sure either the keys are in my hand or the window is open enough that I can reach in and open the door if I have to.
I am REALLY anal about ensuring I have the car key in my pocket now. Fingers crossed I never do that again!
Been there done this. Kind of the same scenario, except mine lasted about 30 minutes and involved calling AAA to come and rescue me…err…Sugar Bean from the car. It all started when, at 22 months old, she could unbuckle her Britax, five point harness carseat. Yes, ladies and gentlemen….On 2 occasions, while driving in LA traffic, I glanced back to see my baby standing in her seat. **GASP**
So I headed to Babies R Us to buy what the Internet reviews reported as ‘the seat no toddler can jailbreak”. Found it, paid and headed to the car to install it, while still in the parking lot. Old seat out, new seat in, Sugar Bean strapped into a seat she cannot get out of….I’m WINNING! What I failed to realize is that while I was installing the seat, my car keys dropped out of my pocket onto the seat and I apparently put m knee on the lock button. I’m sure there was a ‘beep, beep’….but I can’t be certain, as I was installing a carseat and wrangling a toddler at the same time. Anyway, I made sure Sugar Bean was secure, crawled out of the car, closed the door….. and it was locked! And SHE DIDN’T HAVE THE KEY, because it was lying right next to the seat she couldn’t get out of, completely beyond her reach. Good times. She was smiling, waving and laughing, while I was crying. THANK GOD my cell phone was in my pocket. I called AAA and they came and opened the door. Talk about a shit show.
OMG, I remember you telling me this story. I would’ve FREAKED OUT. Imagine if she was CRYING the whole time? You probably would’ve broken a window. It is kind of funny that you had her strapped into her NEW car seat when it happened though (and how did you not pass out when you saw her standing in her car seat while you were driving?). ;)